inescapable

I am conflicted inside and feel like I am being torn apart from within. The desire for lust is warring with the enmity for that same lust and is leaving me feeling uneasy and hopeless. All I want is to be free, but I keep being pulled back to that which is evil. I cannot find contentment in surrendering to my lustful desires, and I cannot find freedom from those desires. This evil has become so ingrained in every thought that it is inescapable. At times I want to return to the point I was closest to completely surrendering to my wickedness, but I know that will never satisfy and I cannot be content without God. This state of being stuck in the middle of two diametrically opposed desires cannot last, yet I do not know how to get out. All I long for after years of being here is an ending, or a change, yet I've lost hope. Nothing ever changes, nothing ever ends, and I do not know where to go from here.