light in the darkness

Haven't been on here in a long time and am not really sure how I am doing anymore and haven't been keeping track. Thinking back, I think it has been about five days since I looked at pornography, but I know my thoughts have been anything but pure and I continually distance myself from God. I'm so disturbed and confused about the depravity of my lustful thoughts. One minute I can be longing for purity and taking joy in the progress I have made and how much I am starting to desire pure thoughts, but the next minute I lose all control and become what I hate and take pleasure in the lust. I take comfort that as soon as it is over, and sometimes before, I regain a sense of my desire for that which is pure and true, but I wish I did not have to retreat to the darkness to once again find the light.