discouraged

I am at almost 19 days without pornography, and in some ways I feel great, but on the other side I feel discouraged. I am very alone and have been that way for several years so I have given up hope of finding a wife, which makes pornography attractive as a quick fix to normal sexual desires that can't ever be met. I must remember that it is still poison and I am destroying myself little by little if I go back to it. I still know the pain it has caused me so I do not want to return to that place.

I must look forward to the possibility that I will eventually find someone, and if I do not take a stand now to become the man I need to be I may lose her, or at the very least, hurt her because I am not where I need to be. If I ended up alone because I couldn't endure a little suffering now, I don't know if I could take it. I fear I have already ruined my life as it is and am suffering the consequences. There are so many years I have lost to this addiction that could have been much different and I do not want to think how much better they could have been, but I must face the possibility and learn from it while I still have a chance of saving the future for something wonderful.

Lamentations 3:25
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.